Apples & Oranges - (Almost) Literally
by MetaDash
Summary: The NSWA usually sees eye to eye on most things, but a rather innocent disagreement between Yachiru and Orihime on which juice is better - apple or orange - forces everyone else to interject their opinion. (Some members just want to stay out). Short one-shot, written for silveruzu44. Based on a reference in NSWA but reading it is not required.


**Apples & Oranges – (Almost) Literally**

The New Shinigami Woman's Association was known for its diverse member composition, and with its now larger size, disagreements and debates were much more commonplace. But only ONE got everyone all heated up.

It all started during one meeting.

"So now that we have that planned, it's time to look at our funds for this quarter," Nanao said. She took her role as vice-president very seriously, and usually the onus was on her to restore order. "We have….."

She looked to the other end of the table, as did the others.

"Mmm! Oh, you were saying something, Nan-Nan?"

"President, your juice sipping is rather distracting."

"Well isn't it snack time?" Yachiru asked, holding up a carton of orange juice. "We can take a quick break! Want a sip, Hime-chan?"

Orihime, sitting next to her, giggled. "Oh….no thanks, Yachiru. I don't really like orange juice." she took out her own carton. "I'm a big of apple, myself."

"Huhhh? But why? Apple's pretty gross."

"G-Gross?" she frowned, looking the carton over. "I don't think so. What do you think, Tatsuki-chan?"

"Me?" the karate master of Karakura Town really wasn't a fan of juice. "Uhh….what's the difference? They're both sweet, and they both come from fruits."

"What's….what's the difference?" Yachiru sipped her carton for emphasis. "One's tasty, the other is gross. Simple!"

Nanao sighed, and looked to Nemu for assistance. She just shrugged; she wasn't a fan of juice either, although she did partake when Yachiru offered some to her.

"You've got it backwards," said Rangiku. (against Nanao's prompt, snack time would begin anyway). "Apple juice is better, and orange…..ugggh, it has that nasty pulp!"

"Pulp can easily be removed."

Retsu Unohana had a secret fondness for orange juice.

"You don't see apples with it, though. Checkmate!" Rangiku smiled wide, taking Orihime's carton for a sip [an unauthorized one].

"Haven't you considered something?" came a sharp voice. Soi Fon crossed her arms. "Apple juice is foul. It looks like urine. Are you saying you would drink a liquid that looks like urine?"

"Yeah!" Yachiru leaned over to Candice. "Kitty, what's _you're in?"_

"It means piss!" The electric girl slammed the table with her hands. "And that's a stupid reason! Cranberry juice looks like blood, but we drink that just fine!"

"But pee is gross," Meninas winced. "So I agree with Captain Unohana and the President! Besides, nothing rhymes with orange."

Silence.

"What….the _fuck_ does that have to do with the juice, Minnie?" Candice asked, rubbing her temples. When Nemu held up the swear jar, she put a coin in.

"It means….uh…."

"I got this!" Mashiro suddenly shouted. "It means nothing can't compare to it!"

"Right! Thanks, Mashiro-san!"

Hiyori gave both of them an irritated look. She swallowed the bit of rice cracker she was eating and jabbed a finger right back. "Are we talking about orange, or _orenji?_ Because plenty of words rhyme with the second one. And this is a stupid debate anyway!"

"Says you!" shouted the energetic Vizard. "Why don't you like juice, Hiyorin?"

"Because I'm not five years old! Right, Lisa?"

"I really don't care," Lisa replied, flipping through one of her porn manga without even looking up. "This is getting-"

 **CLICK CLICK CLICK**

She looked up; Ururu had gotten up to write down the stances on the board. One column was orange juice, the second apple, and the third undecided/didn't care. With a slight blush she shook her head.

"I….I l-like both…."

"Heresy!"

"Yeah, Ururu's right. It's more fun to do _this-_ " Rukia stabbed a straw through her carton of apple, giddy. Then repeated it for a carton of orange. "-to _any_ juice. Man, how did humans make this stuff?"

"So that's seven people undecided…." Ururu wrote Rukia's name down.

"Isa-chan what about you?" Yachiru asked. "You like orange juice, don't you?"

"Ummmmm…" Isane laughed nervously. "It's tastier than apple juice. And not as sharp of a taste."

"LIES!"

Nanao had her head down in frustration now; this time, the speaker was Kiyone.

"Isane, I thought you had better taste than that! Orange juice is….how do I describe it? It's, it's like milk! Yuck!"

Yachiru gasped, but now Lilinette saw fit to insert her own opinion. "It is _not!_ Orange juice is a lot better than you give it credit for!"

"Prove it!"

"What?! How am I supposed to do that?!"

Ururu updated the board; **Team Orange Juice** was Yachiru, Retsu, Meninas, Mashiro, Isane, and Lilinette **. Team Apple Juice** was Orihime, Rangiku, Candice, Soi, and Kiyone.

The seven neutral members seemed to be Nemu, Nanao, Lisa, Hiyori, Tatsuki, Ururu, and Rukia.

"That settles it then," Sun-Sun declared. "Apple must be better, if you silly orange-supporters can't describe why it's superior to it."

Bad move; both Apache and Mila Rose turned to glare at her.

"You stupid prat, you really think piss juice is better?"

"Figures she'd have the wrong opinion, Apache."

"H-Hey, there's no reason that this should turn hostile," Momo protested. "I'm with you, Sun-Sun." she smiled, but it shrank when the other two glared back at her.

Then it was Neliel's turn:

"Apples aren't consistent."

"…..?"

"An orange is always orange and is always round! In contrast, an apple is sometimes green, and is an irregular solid! Point proven, girls."

Harribel shook her head. "Fruit composition has nothing to do with taste of their juice. They're both liquids, ergo this point is invalid. Personally, I prefer apple juice."

"Harribel-sama?!"

"Superior taste, milady."

Orihime finished her carton and slammed it down. "Well, in the Living World, apple juice is better to go with breakfast! And it's the most important meal of the day! Loly, Menoly, what do you think?"

"Sorry, Orihime-sama," said Loly, "I _hate_ the taste of apples."

"But I like them!" Menoly argued.

"Hmmmmmmm….." Yachiru narrowed her eyes. "Ururuin, what's the score?"

 **Team Orange Juice** was Yachiru, Retsu, Meninas, Mashiro, Isane, Lilinette, Neliel, Apache, Mila Rose, Loly

 **Team Apple Juice** was Orihime, Rangiku, Candice, Soi, Kiyone, Momo, Sun-Sun, Harribel, and Menoly.

"We're losing!" Rangiku scanned the table. "Who didn't vote?"

"We're _voting_ on this?" asked Tatsuki. She stopped caring about this ages ago.

Just then, the Kurosaki twins came in the clubroom, now that their classes had let out. Karin took the seat next to Liltotto, and Yuzu next to Kukaku.

"Ah HA! Girls, what juice do you prefer?"

"Huh? Is that we're doing?"

"They didn't vote! Captain Shiba, you didn't say anything!"

"Huh?" Kukaku paused her vaping. "Oh, right, apple juice isn't disgusting, so that's my pick."

"YES!"

"Glubo, your turn!"

"Oh, orange."

"WHAT?! Lily!"

Karin gave her a slight glare, but she quickly cleared her throat, hoping to divert any attention. "Nah, I've always liked apple myself."

"Me too!" Yuzu added helpfully.

 **Team Orange Juice** was now Yachiru, Retsu, Meninas, Mashiro, Isane, Lilinette, Neliel, Apache, Mila Rose, Loly, and Liltotto.

 **Team Apple Juice** was now Orihime, Rangiku, Candice, Soi, Kiyone, Momo, Sun-Sun, Harribel, Menoly, Kukaku, Yuzu, and Karin.

The seven neutral members were still Nemu, Nanao, Lisa, Hiyori, Tatsuki, Ururu, and Rukia.

"YAY!" Orihime raised her hands. "Majority wins!"

"Not exactly," said the only voice that hadn't spoken yet. Yoruichi Shihouin grinned cheekily at everyone from her position at the table, between Soi and Rangiku. "I'm going with orange. I like the taste."

"But cats drink milk!"

"Not a cat 24/7."

"Oh…." Ururu looked the board over. "That ties it. 12 members for orange juice, 12 members for apple, and 7 that either prefer both, dislike both, or don't care enough about the discussion."

Thus, the tension in the room arose as much as their respective reiatsus. Apple juice supporters clicked their tongues and flared their nostrils, while the orange juice supporters bared their teeth and licked their lips.

"Please tell me it's over," Nanao begged. _"Please."_

Nemu gulped. "Actually…."

* * *

"So Yumi, I was wondering, should go I with a toupee?"

Ikkaku and Yumichika were taking a walk, both on their way to hit up a tavern, when the former had posed the question. His companion laughed haughtily.

"Are you admitting you're bald, Ikkaku?"

"S-SHUT UP! It was just a damn question! A hypothetical one!"

Yumichika stopped laughing. "Um….as hypothetical as the chair moving towards your head?"

"Huh?"

 **SLAM**

The clubroom, only a few yards away, was now abuzz with yelling and turmoil, but the narcissist merely scoffed and grabbed Ikkaku's sleeve to drag him away.

"Women, they're so annoying sometimes. Right, Ikkaku?"

"Guh….."

The large bruise and blood seeping would've agreed if it could.

 **FIN**

 **Ending notes: Hehehehehe. Any other ideas you guys like to see? I started a Chad/Isane lemon but I kinda lost zeal to write it.**


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